I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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