but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
