listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's shark week go big or go home
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
