I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
