Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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