my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
