i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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