very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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