I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
