OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
