the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
