think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
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I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
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No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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