The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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