I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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