I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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