It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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