I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
