Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
