there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
