im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
