I hate your face
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Someone came in the potted fern
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think people are normalizing furries
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
