is wine microwaveable?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
