I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
