you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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