YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
