He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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