Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
