i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption