I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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