from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son