My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together