i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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