i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
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The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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