i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize