Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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