I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
