i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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