And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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