In the future we'll all be gay
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
