You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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