Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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