why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
