Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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