I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
