just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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