This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
