Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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