my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
