you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Of course I have a pirate flag
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
