life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
