I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
