I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My dick has a subreddit
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
