Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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