I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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