just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This baby is an asshole
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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