So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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