in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
