He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
