He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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