Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
