Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
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We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
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Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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