i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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