Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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