I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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