Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
